How to Feign an Interest

So I “auditioned,” that’s what they call it, to teach the Kaplan GMAT class this evening. My fellow auditioners and I were asked to present a 5-minute presentation on how to do something non-academic. I taught 3 Vanderbilt boys and a remedial high school teacher how to paint a fence. Yep . . . how to paint a fence. I’d say the topic was about an 8 on a 10-point lameness scale, but it got the job done. I even referenced an imaginary book entitled Fence Painting. Yep, I just referenced an imaginary fence printing manual in what was essentially a job interview.

The first boy walked us through the fraternity recruiting process without mentioning beer once, which was pretty impressive. The second taught us how to make ravioli. The teacher gave us a quick lecture on counting carbs that ended with an anecdote about a grandmother, diabetic candies and diarreah. The last boy presented the riveting piece (I know, I shouldn’t throw stones), “How to Use Chopsticks,” but he never really got to the “how to use” part. Anyway, he gave us a whole run-down on the history of the chopstick. The earliest chopsticks date back to 1200 b.c. Chopsticks then described the different materials from which chopsticks could be made. They can be fashioned out of wood, bamboo, ivory, jade or metal.

When he mentioned the last material, Chopsticks exclaimed, “Although, I don’t know why anyone would want to stick metal in their mouth!” And I’m thinking to myself, “Um, you mean, like a fork?”

I hope that good fences make good impressions and that I move one step closer to teaching. No, it’s not at all my dream job, but it’s a job. It’s a job that I can do here or in New York or even Paris. Hopefully, it will be a job that will earn me enough money to move to a place where I can find something that’s a bit more luxurious.