Solved: The Case of the Early-riser

Last Saturday, I woke up at 6:00 a.m. to my phone having a conniption fit. I stumbled out of bed and picked it up to see what was so important. Tom had sent me three text messages. They read as follows:

5:59 a.m. at the door


The witness


Now we know *

Mystery of the Early-riser solved by an earlier riser. I still can’t decide which of these scenes is my favorite. Is it the watch documenting the time in the first or is it the poor Harris Teeter employee who arrived at work at 6:00 a.m. only to be sucked into one family’s mission to expose a neighborhood blight?

Although this was supposed to be a family assignment, Mom and I copped out the night before because the thought of waking up at 5:30 in 30-degree weather was really unappealing. Had I known that I’d be getting up at 6:00 anyway, I might have made a bigger effort to go along as the wheelman.

Unbeknownst to anyone, Tom awoke early and drove down to Harris Teeter to catch the W2. He documented the Wall Street Journal drop-off and entered the store at 6:00 when it opened. All of the timing had been confirmed with a phone call to Harris Teeter from the dinner table the night before. Tom has Harris Teeter on speed dial. I am not joking.

Once in the store, he cornered the WSJ keeper and asked again who took the papers each Saturday morning. Seeing no way out of this interrogation, the keeper answered, “Oh, the lady who owns the restaurant down the street comes in and takes them.” Martha! The whole time the W2 had been right under our noses – on our very street no less!

Martha owns the Belle Meade Mansion restaurant named, well, Martha’s. Technically, it’s called Martha’s at the Plantation, but no one calls it that. According to her web site, Martha believes that cooking is an act of love and she wholeheartedly supports sustainable food systems. Yes, both of these are very nice philosophies. You know what’s also a nice philosophy? Sharing!

The Harris Teeter WSJ keeper also told Tom that a man had once confronted Martha about her WSJ stealing. So she knows! She knows that other people are Journal-less on Saturdays and she doesn’t care! Shame on you, Martha! You were really upset when the people in the neighborhood picked all of your tomatoes. Wall Street Journals don’t grow on vines, but the concept is the same here. I’d like to see a newspaper vine . . . .

Martha also mentions on her web site that she would be happy to talk to you about anything that’s on your mind. I wonder if she’d like to talk about this. Actually, I’m thinking about going down to Martha’s this Saturday and buying every single one of those Wall Street Journals back.

“Good morning. I heard you carry the Wall Street Journal.”
“Why yes, indeed, we do.”
“Oh, super. I’d like to buy all of them.”
“All of them?”
“Yes, I’d like to buy all of them. Is that a problem for you?”

* Note reads: "Martha ?? We know who you are & what you are doing. -- Avid Reader(s)"