So Carey and I received a 700 euro electricity bill this month. Let's just ignore the fact that out of the 9 lighting aparati we have in the apartment, only 4 work 75% of the time, 2 work about 50% of the time and 3 have been on strike since September and refuse to work at all (these were made in France). Then, we have a total of 3 heaters, only 1 of which actually works "sort of," as in we have no control over the amount of heat that comes out because the dial broke.
Anyway, besides the stove, microwave and toaster oven (which, by the way, is TOTALLY out of control and has destroyed one Pylones travel coffee cup and a loaf of bread due to its turning on whenever it feels like it -- actually, the bread could possibly maybe have been the result of my not turning said toaster oven all the way off) we don't have anything else that uses electricity. Well, there is the hot water heater, but that can't use all that much because you can't take more than one and a half long showers in a given day. Then there is Carey's alarm clock and the TV, but we don't even watch that much TV because all French shows aside from the Double-Dare-esque game show called "En Ze Boite" (translation: En Zeee Box) are dumb.
The point is that I have no idea how anyone in their right mind could think that we used 6000+ kilowatt hours in 2 months, when we have never used more than 300. That's not the most interesting part of the story, which does go on to include an encounter with an electrician and a disappointing visit from the EDF lady, who might just moonlight as, oh, I don't know, the Devil!
No, the most interesting part of the story, in my opinion, came when I spoke to the nimrod at EDF. So I'm going through the bill and the fact that it seems entirely bizarre bizarre that all of a sudden we would use more electricity than the Eiffle Tower does at night (6000 kw would actually keep the thing lit, sparkle and all, for 3.7 days and nights. I know because I looked it up.) and that, unless he tells me that everyone in Paris had a 700 euro bill this month, we were not paying. I decided that it would be entirely appropriate to use "C'est impossible!" as frequently as possible. I said it about 8 times. It seemed to have no effect.
Suddenly, oh so many things were possible! It was possible that we used too much heat. It was possible that they had underestimated previous bills. About 4 other logically impossible things were now also totally possible!
Alors, I've had to tweak my "C'est impossible" theory a bit. It seems that a thing is "impossible" when that thing would require someome to perform work. If a thing's being impossible, however, actually requires more work, then suddenly that thing is completely "possible" because it's being possible means that someone else is to blame for it.
To sum up, "c'est impossible" really means "I do not feel like doing anything else about your problem." Interestingly enough, when a French person says, "but of course, this is possible," it also means, "I don't feel like doing anything else about your problem." It's confusing, I know. You really have to live it every day to understand it in your bones.
Anyway, besides the stove, microwave and toaster oven (which, by the way, is TOTALLY out of control and has destroyed one Pylones travel coffee cup and a loaf of bread due to its turning on whenever it feels like it -- actually, the bread could possibly maybe have been the result of my not turning said toaster oven all the way off) we don't have anything else that uses electricity. Well, there is the hot water heater, but that can't use all that much because you can't take more than one and a half long showers in a given day. Then there is Carey's alarm clock and the TV, but we don't even watch that much TV because all French shows aside from the Double-Dare-esque game show called "En Ze Boite" (translation: En Zeee Box) are dumb.
The point is that I have no idea how anyone in their right mind could think that we used 6000+ kilowatt hours in 2 months, when we have never used more than 300. That's not the most interesting part of the story, which does go on to include an encounter with an electrician and a disappointing visit from the EDF lady, who might just moonlight as, oh, I don't know, the Devil!
No, the most interesting part of the story, in my opinion, came when I spoke to the nimrod at EDF. So I'm going through the bill and the fact that it seems entirely bizarre bizarre that all of a sudden we would use more electricity than the Eiffle Tower does at night (6000 kw would actually keep the thing lit, sparkle and all, for 3.7 days and nights. I know because I looked it up.) and that, unless he tells me that everyone in Paris had a 700 euro bill this month, we were not paying. I decided that it would be entirely appropriate to use "C'est impossible!" as frequently as possible. I said it about 8 times. It seemed to have no effect.
Suddenly, oh so many things were possible! It was possible that we used too much heat. It was possible that they had underestimated previous bills. About 4 other logically impossible things were now also totally possible!
Alors, I've had to tweak my "C'est impossible" theory a bit. It seems that a thing is "impossible" when that thing would require someome to perform work. If a thing's being impossible, however, actually requires more work, then suddenly that thing is completely "possible" because it's being possible means that someone else is to blame for it.
To sum up, "c'est impossible" really means "I do not feel like doing anything else about your problem." Interestingly enough, when a French person says, "but of course, this is possible," it also means, "I don't feel like doing anything else about your problem." It's confusing, I know. You really have to live it every day to understand it in your bones.
